Saturday, November 3, 2012

Bland + Bland = What Else? More Blandness!

Okay, let me make one thing clear: Wada Ayaka and Sayashi Riho got nothing on W or GAM. But... this is not the worst duo I have ever seen. Actually, it's far from the worst duo I've ever seen.

I almost forgot that the Hello! Project Satoyama groups would probably be releasing their PVs this month! Well, you might as well start off bland and get interesting from that point on and what a better PV to kick that off with than Cabbage Hakusho? You know, I've always found cabbages to be bland vegetables, like wannabe-lettuce or something. My excitement for this duo's song was about on the same level I have when I'm about to floss my teeth. And that's mainly because I'm really not that much of a fan of either one of the members in this duo. I've said on more than one occasion that I am not a fan of Sayashi Riho's voice. I know a lot other people like her and think she deserves all the attention she gets but I'm sorry, I just don't see what everyone else sees in her. She's not bad or anything but it just miffs me that I have to hear her screechy voice in every song Momusu has released over other members in the group like Kudou Haruka and Fukumura Mizuki. So yeah, to sum it up, I wasn't exactly having high hopes for the vocal talent in this song. But... surprisingly, her voice sounded much better with Dawa than in Morning Musume. I figured out it was because of the range this song had; Riho's voice sounds so much better when she's singing low notes; I swear it's like night and day! She doesn't sound strained or squeaky and you can tell that's her natural range and that songs like One Two Three and Wakuteka Take a chance are really putting pressure her vocal chords. Why the hell doesn't UFP go ahead and use that low voice in songs in stead of forcing her to strain her voice? Just listen! Doesn't she sound much better? Okay, so she's not mini-Takahashi Ai but she sounds at least marginally better at a lower pitch! As for Dawa, she sounds pretty much like Dawa. The song consists of mostly duets and a few solos here and there and it sounds like a pretty easy song to sing. The girls' vocals blend well nicely together so as someone who has a thing for good vocals, I can't complain about that.

Now as for the song itself... it was everything I expected it to be. Does that mean it was good? Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. So it must be bad, right? Also no. I will say it sounds slightly better than I thought it would be for two reasons. One: the inclusion of classical music. As a person who took piano lessons for eight years, my ears perked up when I heard what I thought was Mozart and sure enough, it was Mozart's Sonata in C Major. Getting classy on me, are you, UFP? Of course, that classical bit only lasts for a few seconds each time it shows up but I still think it was a nice inclusion. But come on, of all the composers did you have to sample Mozart? I mean, okay, he's awesome but this isn't anywhere near the most musically interesting music he has! Couldn't you have done Chopin or maybe even Schubert? Ooh! What if they used a slowed down version of Schumann's The Happy Farmer? The group is about going green so why not? Okay, I'm getting really off track, the second reason: the song is pretty. Forgettably pretty. In fact, I think a better term to describe this song is safe. It doesn't piss me off the way a song like Yurushite Nyan! would but it doesn't have a profound effect on me that a song like Electro World. Everything about it is pretty enough that it'll appeal to my ears but I'm not going to remember (or care) about it in a couple days. But I suppose I'm not surprised. With a duo like Riho and Dawa, I wasn't expecting the non-electro version of Hurly Burly. But it begs the question, which is worse? A forgettable, but pretty song that doesn't take any chances or a horrible song that's horrible because it tried something and failed miserably at it. I don't know but there honestly isn't much else I can say about this song other than it's bland. And I completely expected it to be bland.

So what's blander? The song or the PV? Can I even find the emotion to care?

And I'm bored already. Besides, I've already seen this same setting and styling for another PV.


Here we have Wada Ayaka, most likely trying to figure out where the hell Saki and Yuuka went.

And Sayashi Riho, content with the fact that she rules over Morning Musume.

Ooo! Maybe they're in purgatory! I remember in The Divine Comedy purgatory (or it may have been the 1st circle of Hell...) was described like this!

Pretty. It reminds me of the sunny version of that town from Twilight. Any sparkly vampires around?

Can't they do like a dance or something? It doesn't have to be complicated or anything, just something to spice this up!

Dawa, I don't think Saki and Yuuka are hiding up in the trees like sparkly vampires.

Sorry Riho, my parents taught me to never accept stuff from strangers, even idols! What is she holding anyways?

I sure miss my Autotune....

Arts and crafts with Peaberry sound delightfully dull.

Cute shoes. Bland, but cute.

You know, I think if Riho smiled with her teeth more often she'd look a lot less smug and distant and more genuinely happy!

I think the trees are my favorite characters in this PV.

I can feel the animation just radiating from these two.

Seriously, these shots have the awkwardness of my family Christmas cards.

Wait a minute... a girl in a white dress going through an empty an open field? Where have I seen that before...

Oh right. Kataomoi Finally! A PV that was smart enough to include shots besides girls in white dress in fields.

Eh... is plucking flowers and killing them so you can create a little headpiece that'll rot in a few days the best way to promote environmental awareness?

Funny... I'm getting flashbacks to both The Lorax and WALL-E...

Wow! An arm gesture! Maybe they'll really shake things up and start tap dancing next!

So are they ever gonna drink that tea?


First of all, where are the cabbages in this PV? I think I'm a little irritated that a song titled Cabbage Hakusho doesn't have a single cabbage in its PV. That's like Perfume's Laser Beam PV not having any laser beams in it! At least some cabbages would have made the PV remotely entertaining. Because let me tell you, if there's anything I could change about this PV, it's adding something interesting. This has got to be one of the most boring PVs I've reviewed this year! And I reviewed Give Me Five. You know how you get that feeling when you're watching commercials on TV? Where you just zone out and wait for your program to come back on, the images and sounds of said commercials going in one ear and out of the other? Well, this PV came off as basically one giant commercial to me. For what... I don't know. Perfume? And no, for once I am NOT talking about the techno group! So this is either a perfume commercial or one of those DVD promo pics you see on H!P's Youtube channels for certain members. The ones where [insert idol here] stands around and makes some poses while weird music plays in the background. Honestly, that's pretty much the vibe I get from the PV: a promo for a Sayashi Riho and Wada Ayaka DVD that somehow managed to get them singing their own song in it. I can't even really criticize it because there is literally nothing to criticize. The PV's isn't bad; it's empty. I might as well be trying to provide an in-depth critique/analysis of my ceiling. Other than the fact that it's white and a has a few cracks at the edges, I can't say anything else about it. The best thing I can compare this PV to is Perfume's Kasuka na Kaori but even that had more personality than this one!

Okay... well, it's pretty. But in a really bland way, kind of like when you walk into an art museum and sure, the interior design is nice but it fades out of your memory because you're focused on the art. Though the more I think about it, what else did I expect? Riho and Dawa aren't exactly bubbling with distinct personalities so it's not like I expected them to entertain me. The song is nice but I probably won't remember it in a week or so, save for the Mozart sonata. This song was already setting itself for a bland PV so why should I even be remotely pissed off about it? I should have seen this coming and I did but... but... I just wanted something interesting! I thought maybe, just maybe these two together would lead to surprising results but nope. This is just as bland as I knew it was going to be and I was stupid to think UFP would take a chance and do something more. ARGH, think of all the cool duos and cool PVs we could have had! We could have had another group like W! And we'd call them X! We could have had a really exciting and neat duo but nope. We get these two and even though I've tried to be aloof and indifferent about it, inside I'm just a little pissed off. Times like these I just want to throw a hissy fit and complain about how my favorites are forever going to be shafted but no. I'm a mature person. I will simply move on from this and put it behind me... never mind, I just got an idea. All right, because that has got to be the dullest PV I've watched this year, I'm gonna come up with a pointlessly complicated and convoluted backstory to it! -puts on intelligent glasses- Pretentiously intelligent theories awaaaaay!!!

So the main setting of the PV is an empty green field. You know what setting also uses an empty green field? Limbo. The empty field is a representation of Limbo, a place from which Riho and Dawa can't move on and remain constrained in these stagnant positions. Each girl has her own limitations that she can't find the strength to overcome and because of that they're stuck in Limbo. However, they not sure if they even want to move on; although the field possesses no sort of excitement it also doesn't have any danger or risks. The girls have grown content with staying in this field instead of moving beyond it to the unknown for the fear that they'll fail. Their attempts to do so are met with failure; when Dawa is roaming through the trees, it is really the labyrinth of her mind, and all the obstacles that come with it. She looks up to try and find an end to the forest but cannot so she remains in the field. Riho wanders through an even emptier field, showing her discontent with her position in Morning Musume. Despite achieving success, she still feels empty inside because she feels like she can't ever reach the same level her senpais are. So she retreats into the green field along with Dawa and together they spend their days in lifeless harmony, drinking tea and making flower crowns. The lives they lead are dull but safe, and over time they've grown accustomed to it. And that is what dooms them; Riho and Dawa are forever doomed to linger in Limbo until they can take risks and accept some spice into their lives.

And that is how you milk a PV and add pointless symbolism bullshit to it when really it's just two Potato Idols standing around looking pretty. Which is why I'm giving this song and PV 2.5 apples out of 5. Call me pessimistic, but this group just wasn't for me. I'm going to wait for DIY's PV now.



    And seriously, Nia, you crack me up! xD I love you so much, this review is so funny... I have a different opinion on the song on PV, given the fact that I love them both, but omg I love you and your opinion, it's so wonderful, hilarious and true <333

    1. Gotta love those Potato Idols! Or not in my case. I do believe you've coined a trope for the idol world, my dear Chiima!

      Yay for different opinions! I really have too much fun writing my more critical reviews. I don't know, sometimes I feel like any time I write a negative review, I compensate the negativity via humor. It's like I think that maybe if someone disagrees, they can still find the post funny? I don't know. I feel so bad; everyone else is like "This PV's so pretty and sweet and awesome~~!!" and I'm like "No."