Sunday, July 15, 2012

Rant Time with Nia! - AKB48 Edition

Finally! The day I've been waiting for! The title track of AKB's Senbatsu single has been announced! And along with that the group performed the song live! When I first found out, my heart filled with ecstasy because I always love seeing what they'll do with the Senbatsu. After all, Iiwake Maybe: awesome. Flying Ghetto: awesome. Heavy Rotation: fanservice-y... but still awesome. By now, I've expected a sort-of quality to come with each Senbatsu single, from the budget to the effort to the energy behind the music and the members. So far I've enjoyed each song that's come from the Senbatsu election. So I went in excited about this new single too because I know that Aki-P and all the other people who help make up AKB will make sure to release the same level of quality and effort the loyal fans anticipate every time the Senbatsu single each time it comes around. Then I listened to it.

Now I realize I set the bar way too high.

I don't think I've felt this way about a single since Ue kara Mariko. It was likely blowing up a beautiful, shiny red balloon of hope and excitement only for said balloon to slowly deflate with each second I watched the video. I'm sorry, but this A-side sucks. Pardon the immaturity, but it just sucks. I know that's on crude terms so I'd best elaborate so I don't piss quite as many people off. Because I intend to bitch. And bitch. And bitch. But what shall I bitch about first? After all, there are so many bitch-able things I can bitch about because this "Senbatsu" single has left me in a bitchy mood. Let's start with the title because surprisingly, I can bitch at that! So there I was, a naive and innocent little blogger, cruising around Arama when lo and behold! The article came out! And so the title of the not-so-long-awaited single was revealed: Gingham Check. Gingham Fucking Check. Now normally I'm not one to judge a song by it's title (sort of like not judging a book by its cover) but do you know what comes to my mind when I think of Gingham? Dorothy. That and the god-awful outfits from the 2nd-single of the red-headed stepchild of the 48 family Nogizaka46. Do you know what those two things have in common? Neither one of them were cool. Nogizaka's butt-humping, skirt lifting single is worse than their first and while Dorothy did defeat an evil witch  her shoes are cooler. At least with Ue kara Mariko, the single sounded kinda cool. This one just sounds like a trip to fucking Kansas. 

So lame, Engrish title aside surely, I thought, the song itself will be pretty kickass. Because one thing the last 3 Senbatsu singles had in common was they all sounded pretty kickass, especially live. Well, I can no longer say that because this song is more vanilla than a majority of French Kiss's discography. There's no punch, nothing that sticks out. Everything about it is bland and I've heard it in a thousand other idol songs. The chorus is the typical, cutesy idol schtick that's usually cranked about by producers as album filler or B-sides. And it only pisses me off more that it's not only an A-side, but the Senbatsu A-side. This is the single with Yuko in the center, the single that over 100,000 people voted for her to be the center in. And what does she get saddled with? An overused, cliche song, a cliche dance, and the leftovers from Nogizaka46's Oide Shampoo outfits. Speaking of that dreaded group this is Nogizaka46 level of bad. You went from the beautiful symbolism and powerful sound of Manatsu no Sounds good! to... this. I just can't believe I expected so much and I got such little payoff. This is even more disappointing than Ue Kara Mariko. You know what? It even has the same tempo of Ue Kara Mariko. Not only that, the chorus itself is modeled in the same structure of Soredemo Suki da yo, current contender for Nia's Least Favorite Solo Single. I've listened to this song several times and I can't even remember half of it. This is not what I wanted for a Senbatsu Single! Why is it when the Queen of Bland leaves the single itself turns bland!? Is it some weird kind of reverse spell? Do we have to have Acchan in singles to keep them interesting despite she herself being blander than a lampshade? Oh my god... we do, don't we?

THAT'S IT! I'VE FIGURED IT OUT! The reason the blandest singles from AKB48 (Chance no Juban, Ue Kara Mariko, and now Gingham Check) are bland is because Acchan isn't in them! And she handled the blandness as center. Now with no single person to harness said blandness, it can only spread like a horrid, horrid virus throughout the entire single. If only this revelation was actually relevant and could somehow make this horrid Senbatsu single, a captivating song with powerful choreography and an even more powerful song. But alas. Unless I learn Japanese, swim to Japan, manage to get a hold of Aki-P, and somehow convince him to change the A-side... this Senbatsu single is screwed. At least the A-side is.

I really hope the B-sides make up for the shitty A-side. I really, really hope they do. Because at the moment, I'm disappointed. I would have thought since they worked with Yuko as center before and came out with what is now essentially AKB's Love Machine they'd do something just as memorable. Instead I got the exact opposite: a bland, forgettable title track that can go fester in the pile of Nogizaka46 singles I pretend don't exist. To think I was waiting for the Janken single so that one could be my disappointment single! Now I'm going to have to double my disappointment unless somehow the Janken single does turn out to be really cool which it probably won't because... Aki-P doesn't care about putting effort into the Janken Senbatsu. And now I'm not even excited for the PV which I always look forward to because there's such a strong, clear and powerful concept. Well this song isn't strong or powerful and clearly makes me mad as hell. ARGH!!! I'm just so frustrated to the point I want to wander around my house snarling like a pirate. I'm pretty sure that's not healthy too!

Ugh. I'm gonna go listen to Flying Ghetto before my head explodes.

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