Saturday, April 14, 2012

Churches and Hipsters and Eardrums


So... um... well, there's this... How am I going to put this without pissing off a horde of fans? There's no way avoiding it? Eh... I might as well go ahead and fling it out there.

I hate Itano Tomomi's voice.

I can't help it! You know how have that one singer whose voice you can't stand? It doesn't matter how much you like them, hate them, respect them there is absolutely nothing you can do to make yourself like this person's voice. That pretty much sums up how I feel about Tomochin. Don't get me wrong, the girl is cute as a button and has a sweet personality but good lord that voice. The thing about Tomochin is that she has one of those squeaky, off-pitch voices that a majority of other idols have. So what is it about her voice that makes my ears bleed? Well... there is nothing that can be done to improve it. I don't mean, physically (a few voice lessons would do her good) but I mean from a more technological standpoint. You guys know about Autotune right? Who am I kidding, everyone does! Anyways, this is the magic weapon used to make a cacophonic singer like Sayashi Riho sound just a teensy bit more bearable. Does it always work? Most of the time... no, but it definitely adds a different quality to an idol's voice. But Tomochin is an exception. For unlike other Autotuned idols, when her voice is Autotuned it only sounds just as bad. It's like that one kid in ballet class that could never improve no matter how simple the steps were. Eh heh, yeah that totally wasn't me or anything...

Anyways, because of Tomochin's fantastically bad voice with little to no chance of improvement, I always anticipate her singles with a fair amount of cynicism. I admit Dear J was pretty bearable and had a catchy hook but other than that? Fui ni is blah, Clone has got the be the dullest R&B wannabe song I ever heard and overall Tomochin has failed to impress me. She still sounds bad and frankly she should pull a Sayumi and stick with variety. Or modeling. But I digress. So the announcement of her third single didn't surprise me; I mean come on there's no way it's related to boosting her position in the Senbatsu or anything. I mean, seriously. The song, 10nen Go no Kimi e, is her first ballad and is meant to show a more serious side of the lovely Tomochin. Okay. The single also features the B-side Clone that got some attention before and honestly I can't see why. I've listened to the song three times and I can only remember there was some Engrish floating around in it. The PV is also boring and uninspired so don't bother looking at that either. I could probably spend this whole post bitching about Clone but once again, I digress. There's also a duet with a rapper only known as No-Face! And unfortunately it's not the creature Spirited Away...

All right, you've heard me practically trash Tomochin and this single so how does the title track hold up? It's... I like the instrumental! And... I guess the tempo's nice? Agh, why is it so hard to talk about Tomochin's songs!? She's so sweet but her voice is why I don't like this song! A ballad is probably not the best direction for someone with such a pitchy voice. Okay, when you do a ballad this usually means the instrumental is softer and you have to really on your voice to carry the song. So when you have Tomochin's voice doing a ballad... do you get where I'm going with this? What worked so well for Dear J was that it was upbeat and energetic. I've said this again and again but I think an idol can pull of nearly any type of song as long as there's energy and effort into it! Take Mano Erina. While she sounds generic and lifeless in her really upbeat, happy songs for some reason she sounds so much more into it when she does ballads! But this... it's dull. Tomochin sounds bored while singing it (but not as bored as she did in Clone) and for the thousandth time her voice does not help the slow tempo of the song. So this comes off as just another ballad to add the to the growing pile in the music industry. I will say one thing in favor of the song: the instrumental is really quite nice. Some of the little sound effects in it are very nicely done and it's a good accompaniment for the singer. Except the singer is Tomochin. And that's most of what makes me dislikes this song.

But I love Tomochin as a person! And I can always look forward to her PVs... right?


The PV begins with- holy shit! Samara Morgan!? This PV is dark!


Nice old movie effect. But Macaroni did it better.




Cool! An art museum! Or is it just a hipster hangout?


Oh hi token love interest! For the record, this is literally the only side you're going to see of him.


You know it's an idol PV when the fanservice uniforms are thrown in!


I thought this was Mariko for a minute! Yeah... I wish.


Yay! A party!


Wow, this shot's a little trippy- oh. It's that kind of party.


How much you wanna bet she's praying for higher Senbatsu position this year?


Even if she can't sing, Tomochin's still gorgeous!


Shoes: the embodiment of every teenage girl. Or so they say.


It would be hilarious if there was a spider or something that popped out at Tomochin in that box!


Meh, it's just some music box. How cliche!


Nice product placement. I see what you did there, Samantha Vega...


Uh... is this her boyfriend's weird way of proposing to her?


Hipsters. Forever alone, aren't you?


BWAH! What's up with the red lighting!? Are we in hell now!?


First Kataomoi Finally now this... everyone's getting bitch slapped in the 48 PVs lately!


*sniff sniff* I smell symbolism!!


Oh well! I'm sure a good night's sleep will solve everything!


Voila! See? It's magic!!


Congratulations, Maeda Atsuko! I found one actress you're better than!


See? MAGIC!



Wait a minute... Tomochin singing in a long white dress in a church? When did this turn into a Mizuki Nana PV!?

Well... there you have it. A serious PV for Tomochin. I think. Really I'm not entirely sure what the hell I just watched. I mean, I get that there's a storyline I'm just not sure what exactly that storyline is... Let me try again. Tomochin has a boyfriend. They like art. They go to museums and trippy parties. They made a mini-church. They might have broken up? Okay, that does it I have absolutely no idea what's going on with this storyline other than the fact that Tomochin was going out with some guy. Who might be a hipster. But other than that this plot is all over the place and for a short music that's kind of impressive... I guess there's nothing really wrong with the PV from a visual standpoint though. The cinematography is nice, the scenes are very realistic and look much prettier, I love how pretty Tomochin looks in the church scenes, and the street scenes provide a gritty contrast. And it's always nice to see more than just a dance shot and close up like some PVs that I don't even have to name because everyone knows that. But the PV is very vanilla and I think they could do some much cooler stuff with Tomochin. The song doesn't help either and nice as the PV looks it's just nice. Very forgettable. Next please!

So how do I think this will sell? Well... knowing how Tomochin has a devoted fanbase and her music has sold pretty well in the past she'll probably be just fine. But much like Sasshi's god-awful single, I really do think this is just being released to bump her position in the Senbatsu from #8. But good luck to Tomochin and her squeaky, cringe-tastic voice!

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